Hack Made Ridge

With all due apologies to Andrew Garfield, whom I have adored for a decade now since seeing him in Boy A in 2007, Hacksaw Ridge is an astonishingly terrible garbage fire of a movie. I tweeted out some lets-call-them "opinions" last night while watching the film but this one just about sums it up:

It's straight up embarrassing that this crap got nominated for Best Picture - it is one of the worst Best Picture nominees in quite awhile. (And don't even get me started on Mel Gibson, who never met an amputated torso he didn't want to stick his dick in.) Simultaneously hokey and cynical, exploitative while batting its eyelashes at you, pissing on your face while it says it's raining...

Set in some Narnian hellscape populated with characters scraped off Fatty Arbuckle's cutting-room floor, Hacksaw Ridge plays like an episode of Ash vs Evil Dead after a sense of humor appendectomy; it's like Saving Private Ryan if Steven Spielberg has had the part of his brain removed that forms empathy. Lord knows I have nothing against extreme violence (LAWD KNOWS) but you can't be hypocritical about that shit - tone must be established and balanced forcefully - and this movie is a hypocrite's paradise, crafted to assuage the consciences of sociopaths. Mel Gibson uses film like a serial killer uses murder - if he doesn't get one off every so often he'll explode.

Anyway life's too short to be angry at shit this triumphantly shitty - at a certain point I just started laughing hysterically, and that carried the day. I mean...

You can't even make this shit up. But I'm sure Mel & Vince Vaughn had a good time hate-wanking each other in their trailers after shooting all the naked privates stuff, so good for them. Oh fine I will put a few gifs of Luke Pegler's super-hot but insanely period-inappropriate naked ass after the jump, if you insist (Mel and Vince shouldn't get to have all the fun)...