Quantcast
Channel: my new plaid pants
Viewing all 13731 articles
Browse latest View live
↧

Good Morning, Clint

May 30, 2018, 6:56 am
$
0
0
.
We may have just put Clint Walker to rest last week when he died at the age of 90 but stars ain't like us, as the saying goes - they live forever! And so here on what would have been Clint's 91st birthday we'll say howdy once more. Boy, howdy. Click here to scroll on through all our Clint archives. Boy, boy howdy. Boy.
.
↧
Search

Five Frames From ?

May 30, 2018, 7:38 am
↧
↧

Now We Expect Half Naked Chris Hemsworth

May 30, 2018, 7:48 am
$
0
0
.
(click to embiggen) EW dropped three more pictures from Drew Goddard's movie Bad Times at the El Royale last night including yet another shot of half-naked Chris Hemsworth - see the first one here! - proving Chris has accepted his fate in this world, his olied-up lot in life, and we are all glad for it. A hand for Chris! Also pictured here are Chris' co-stars Jon Hamm, Dakota Johnson, and Jeff Bridges.

EW has a little bit more emphasis on little bit on what the movie is about too, although Goddard is playing the mystery game - which is fine by us because we loved Cabin in the Woods and were extremely happy that movie wasn't spioled for us going in. I hope he can pull the rug out from us again and again!


↧

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

May 30, 2018, 8:46 am
$
0
0
... you can learn from:


Kristen: She's watching us.
James: She looks like a ghost.
Do you want me to go talk to her?
Kristen: They don't want to talk.
James: Well they want something.
People don't just stand out there, staring
at us like that. They want something.

A happy 10 to Brian Bertino's super great horror film The Strangers today! Here is my original review from when it came out. And our pal Joe Reid wrote up a nice tribute to the film over at Decider this morning, go check that out. I wouldn't go as far as Joe did to call it the best horror film of the past decade (in very related news hey look Martyrs is turning 10 this fall) but it's excellent and very scary indeed, says me. 

And I'm curious - have any of you seen Bertino's two directorial follow-ups - there's the found-footage-esque Mockingbird in 2014 which I personally dug (here's my review), and then there's The Monster, 2016's movie about a mom (Zoe Kazan) and her daughter who find themselves trapped on a deserted stretch of road with... something... stalking them outside. 

I saw The Monster but a check of the archive shows I never reviewed it - I certainly can't do that now, it having been two years since I saw it, but I remember thinking it fine. Of course with something like The Strangers right out of the gate we fans don't really want "fine" - we're still waiting and hoping Bertino will truly terrify us again.

Bertino got a writing credit on the Strangers sequel, The Strangers: Prey At Night, which came out in March (and which you can rent on Amazon right now) but I'm not sure how involved he ultimately was in the end - anyway I coincidentally watched that over the weekend, so here are my thoughts. It doesn't really work. It follows basically the exact same formula as the first movie - the opening introduction to the characters is pretty protracted; it takes the time to let us marinate in their issues. 

In this case it's Ye Olde Nuclear Family, Dad and Mom and Son and Daughter - the latter's a Bad Girl who they're carting off to reform school when dun dun dun they find themselves trapped with masked marauders in a middle-of-nowhere trailer park. All that is fine - Christina Hendricks is once again the best thing in a project well beneath her talents, and Martin Henderson is more DILF than the screen can handle - but once the scares start coming the film relies on the characters acting tremendously stupid time after time after time after time to the point of audience frustration. At a certain point you're just ready for them all to die because of how dumb they've been. 

Take for instance one scene where one of the characters gets trapped in a car and then just sits there, literally just sits there, and lets the killer walk up and murder them without even so much as swatting a hand. That is a thing that happens. It's incredibly frustrating, especially in light of how gorgeous the movie is at times - there are shots of the lone streetlights hanging above empty roads in misty nighttime air that are breathtaking. But sadly the rest of the movie just doesn't live up to its cinematography's level.


↧

Perky Logan on the Slab

May 30, 2018, 10:18 am
$
0
0
.
To be honest I hadn't posted anything about Upgrade, the sci-fi thriller from writer-director Leigh Whannell (of the Saw and Insidious franchises) and starring The Invitation's Logan Marshall-Green that is out on Friday, because I thought the first trailer was hellaciously goofy, what with the robot-skeleton inside Logan turning him into a floppy cyborg action puppet. But now that I know Logan takes his clothes off at least once thanks to the above image (via; thanks Mac) I... am rethinking my stance. Zoom in...

... and click to embiggen a lot. Anyway a red-band trailer for the film got dropped earlier this week and it's still goofy, hellaciously so, but now with a ridiculous amount of splatter and gore ladled over the goofiness which... is something. Listen, I get that this movie was made to turn your brain off and have fun with, and I want to. I am trying. I will try. Pinky swear. Here's that red-band:
.
.
↧
↧

Article 2

May 30, 2018, 10:59 am
↧

Great Moments In Movie Staches

May 30, 2018, 12:33 pm
$
0
0
.
I know that the aging make-up on Jake & Heath in Brokeback Mountain always gets shit but I am not here for that - the actors work around and with it, and I love Jake's little middle-aged man stache. While it's a later scene that always gets the brunt of the attention ("I wish I knew how to quit you!" and all) this scene where Jack Twist freaks the fuck out on his father-in-law (the always welcome character actor Graham Beckel) is a great one too. We get so few windows into what Jack is like away from Ennis - it's easy after this to see why he wants to spend all that time running away for fishing with buddies. (Besides all the buggering, I mean.)


↧

Theroux in the Summer

May 30, 2018, 1:21 pm
$
0
0
.
As an addendum to yesterday's batch of pictures here hey look here are some more pictures of Justin Theroux hanging out at the beach this week. (via here and here and here) HERE!

My favorite thing about these shots (besides abs n' beard) are the off-center sight of Emma Stone who is there with him and her gorgeous creamy alabaster skin smartly hiding off in the shadows...

Justin would be wise to look at how great her complexion looks and quit lathering himself up and baking like he does but... well it's probably a little late for that now. Oh well. He's still looking pretty good for now. Hit the jump for a few dozen more...










↧
Search

Good Morning, World

May 31, 2018, 7:13 am
$
0
0
.
I was trying to figure out what I actually know Zach Woods from (because I do know who he is) since I don't watch Silicon Valley (his best known showcase) and I decided it must be Veep. Then I remembered he played the tour guide in the Lady Ghostbusters movie. Then I remembered his role as Jesse Plemons' boyfriend in Other People and that was my "A-ha!" (Speaking of, I can't believe I've never posted screen-caps of him in that movie! Let's remember that for another today, then.)

For today we'll just post this goofy photo-shoot the sexy nerd (or, as his girlfriend calls him within the interview here, "Young Lurch") from this month's issue of GQ. It's a fun interview too, I recommend it - I like the part where they talk about his type-casting as a beta male and how he's seen by men (read: straight men, although the writer doesn't clarify that, for shame) versus women:


"I would like to play romantic parts. Like, sexual gods. Corn-fed Midwestern American sex symbols." Men don't really get Woods. They get the funny part, but they don't get the sexy part. They see the spooky features, but not the piercing blue eyes—the calculated awkwardness, but not the sweetness. Much has been made, for instance, of the fact that Woods has a girlfriend. When Woods was on The Late, Late Show, James Corden pounced on him with all the solicitude of my mother: "I find this hugely exciting. You have recently started dating someone," he said by way of welcome. It's "hugely exciting" when someone like Woods is being properly cherished, because he registers as the guy who definitely should get the girl, but usually doesn't. To men Woods is an anti-hero, but to women he's just a hero.

Anyway besides all the stifling fumes of heteronormativity choking me I concur with that assessment. Hit the jump for the rest...





↧
↧

The King Fills Out

May 31, 2018, 7:48 am
$
0
0
.
Clarity, sweet clarity! Back in February we found out that Timothee Chalamet's next project was going to be a Shakespeare adaptation from Animal Kingdom director David Michod called The King, and when we posted about it we noticed that Robert Pattinson was listed on IMDb but we weren't sure if that was correct. Today Variety tells us that is correct (thanks Mac). You'll forgive me for not photo-shopping Timmy's face onto that turtle above, it's early. 

Anyway also joining the cast is Lily Rose-Depp, Ben Mendelsohn (whose role in Michod's Animal Kingdom is pretty much responsible for us knowing who Ben Mendelsohn is today) and Joel Edgerton - we already knew that Edgerton wrote the adaptation of Henry VI that the film's being based on, but it's news to us that he wrote himself a role. He keeps doing that. He is smart. Anyway checking the film's IMDb page, which keeps knowing who's cast before anybody else, I see Sean Harris (the British ginger who's in everything - you can currently hear his sinister voice narrating the Mission Impossible trailer) and Tom Glynn-Carney, one of the few remaining Dunkirk Twinks that I haven't devoted time to. I should get on that...


↧

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

May 31, 2018, 9:59 am
$
0
0
.




What a wonderful coincidence that the wonderful Jonathan Tucker's 36th birthday just happens to today be falling on a Thursday and so we can wish him a happy one with one of our "Ways Not To Die" series of posts, in which we celebrate a death scene from the movies or, in this case, television. 
.

Also coincidentally we've had Hannibal on our minds this week anyway thanks to having just binged the current psychopath show du jour Killing Eve - it's all coming together! Including every gay man on Earth who has seen this scene from the fifth episode of Hannibal's second season, titled "Mukozuke." Let's hit the jumpfor the rest of this since, needless to say, I really went to town on this one...

When we come back from commercial break we find our serial-killing anti-hero trussed up into an elaborate S&M fetish Christ tableau, as one does on Network Television. Jesus (literally), this show. How did this show happen? Talk about your actual miracles.
.



I'm mostly just going to let the long lingering stares between Mads Mikkelsen and Tucker play out here but what I love about this scene (well one of the many many things) is that Tucker's character's obsession is really all about Hugh Dancy, and isn't that terribly relatable?
.
This show is just a series of gorgeous disturbed men fantasizing about using Hugh Dancy in depraved ways, and that is why it's the best show that has ever aired or will ever air on TV.
.
But good god does Tucker play the hell out of this. It's a shame he only got a two-episode arc - I could've used an entire season of him insinuating his self in between Will Graham and Hannibal. For how slowwwww....
.


... individual moments were allowed to run, time and space itself broken down into literal abstractions, this show plowed full steam ahead through so much all the same. And so it made the most out of its moments...
.


... did it ever.
.








Here is the moment where Mads
tells Tucker he should eat him, and...
.
... it's quite possible nothing hotter than
that reaction shot has ever been captured on film.
.




"He's got a gun, Jack!"
.




Anyway a happy birthday to Mr. Tucker today! We also enjoyed his (again too brief) stint on Westworld this season, and we're looking forward to City on a Hill, the upcoming Boston crime drama produced by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon that's got him starring opposite Kevin Bacon and Aldis Hodge and Mark O'Brien (we love O'Brien thanks to Halt and Catch Fire) -- if Tucker's there something interesting will be on the screen no matter what.

In summation here are a few bonus shots of Tucker swimming around a little bit earlier in the above scene because what are we even here for if not him and that speedo...





Previous Ways Not To Die: Dressed Down -- Killin' Nazis -- Keep Your Eyes on the Pies -- Sleep Tight -- How Much is the Peyton Out the Window -- It Takes Guts -- Buns Up -- Body Snatcher Bullseye -- Kibbles & Bits -- What's In The Basket -- A Bad Case of Bed Head -- The Last Airbender -- Loose Hips Sink Dips --Bunny Oblivion -- Railroaded -- Man vs Harpoon -- Beam Me Down -- Touchdown to Terror -- Lucy Loses Her Head -- Goo Gone -- Jake Fully Loaded -- Time Stops For One Man -- They Shoot Actresses Don't They -- Chop Top -- Paint Me Like One Of Your Dead Girls -- Doggy Puddle -- A Present of Violence -- Backseat Die-r -- Supermarket Reaped -- Jungle Boogied -- In the Hallway with the Candlestick -- This is Not the Blonde You Are Looking For -- The Sting -- Blue Mooned -- Pray For Death. -- I Want To Die! -- Come and Knock on My Face -- All Dolled Up -- Tomahawk Justice -- Sleep It Off -- The Fall Guy -- Catricide -- Rumbling in my Tummy -- Fuzzy Wuzzy Was A Monster -- Split End-- That Darn Dame -- Board Now -- Signed By The Zodiac -- Damsel in Da' Street -- Whispers of a Mad-Man -- Peek-a-Boom -- Precious Miseries -- A Triple Salchow Before Dying -- Night Nurse -- Don't Be Greedo -- The Hand That Rocks The Greenhouse -- Jacked Up -- The Big Squeeze -- Say My Name -- Silver Shamrock -- As The Wine Turns -- sleepytime --  Eat Crow -- An Un Made Man -- Bear Topped --When Your Hoop Dreams Become Your Hoop Nightmares -- Ungodly Grabbers -- Head Today Gone Tomorrow -- Something... Happened -- Phone Jacked -- Poker Face -- Not Ready For This Jelly --World's Greatest DEAD -- Swiss Miss Meteor Strike -- The Whim of a Mads Man -- Big Wheeled -- Deep Red -- Bunny Petit -- Ding Dong Going Down -- The Headless Hitchcock -- Oops I Dropped The Soap --Mary had A Little Slam -- The Beast With Too Backstabbed -- Wrath of the Merman -- Stomach Bug --Something Icky This Way Comes -- Dagon It -- The Passion of Margaret White -- Worm Food -- Kim Jong Kill -- Harkonnen A Vagrant -- A Little Off The Top -- Laid Out By Lamas -- 1 2 3 Dandy -- One Ringy-Dingy Two Ringy-Dingy Die Ringy-Dingy -- Nanny Slam -- Forced Head -- A Wolf at the Door -- X-Ray'd -- Helen Helen Helen -- Bad Robot -- Giggle Gassed -- Dark Meet -- The Lady in the Iron Mask --Croaked -- Exit Stage Crazy -- Cold Cocked By Colin Farrell --  Comb Over -- Wishing You Happy Father's Day -- Bright Light Bright Light -- Flame With Ash Highlights -- Don't Spoke Unless Stuck Onto-- Teen Angst Bullshit -- Come What May (Day) -- Dodge This -- The Dead Knock At Dawn -- A Gentlemenly Sacrifice -- Spade & Neutered -- Flambe By Vincent -- L.O.O.K.E.R Over -- Something in the Fog -- Polly Wants A Scalpel -- Major Swirly -- White Meat Dark Meat -- Oh Dae-su You Devil --Unto Darkness Delivered -- A Hammock Built For Slew -- Venom Down -- Worm Turned -- This Anaconda Do Want Some -- Cereal Murdered -- Deady Dearest -- Spotted Dick -- Chinatown Syndrome-- Feeling the Fury -- Blank With the Blank in the Blank -- Kill the Cook -- You be The Steeple -- Boiled Bashed Stabbed & Gassed -- Iced Princess -- Straight Razor Symphony -- Prey For Mantis -- Talos Unplugged -- A Mysterious Raptoring -- Mad Monkey Robo Rampage -- Give Me Liberty, Or... -- Horns of Plenty... Dead! -- Mistress-And-Run -- Wolverine Interrupted -- Who Let The Guts Out -- Zzzapped Innards-Side-Out -- Bad Romance -- Twas Beauty (And Also Aeroplanes) -- Bad Head -- Valentine's Day Massacred -- Belly Buster -- For Being Not The Babysitter -- Splat In Slo-Mo -- To Be Dis-Continued --For Being Mouthy -- Do You Smell What Billy's Mom Is Cooking -- The Milk Done Gone Bad -- An Inability To Stop Drop and Roll -- Bug Sprayed -- Extreme Makeover: Leatherface Edition -- Window Seat Suck -- Razor Bunting -- Stabbed Thru The Heart And Witches Are To Blame -- Shark Kibble -- Is That a Straight Razor In Your Trunks Or Are You Just Happy To See Me -- Bad Dates -- Fry Guy'd --Super Battle Bystander Shrapnel Shred -- Staring Contest of the Dead -- Satanic Self Sacrifice -- Fist and Fortune -- Psychedelic Penis Slice To Window Toss -- For Crimes Against Accent -- Sacked -- Speed Bumped For Traffic Spikes -- Shark Versus Jet-Ski -- Hot Oil Treatment -- Tucked In By Jason -- Just A Pair of Snowbodies -- Poison Pellet Kibble Swap -- Dolly Disassembled -- Fire Escape Fall Out -- Unbuggered -- Tell 'Em Large Marge Sent'cha -- Blue Man Gooped -- Tongue Stung -- Now Wouldn't Cha, Barracuda? -- Leaving on a Rat Plane -- Panthers! -- Fashion Faux-Pwned -- "It's Just A Box." -- Blasted Pigeons -- Taunting Ahnuld -- The Too Hot Tub -- Beyond the Veil -- Sunken Prayers-- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage --Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy --Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad --Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed --Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run-- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance-- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry --Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 --Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye --Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away --Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door-- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue-- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!!-- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded --Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare --Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
.
↧

Bring Nick Robinson Home With You

May 31, 2018, 11:11 am
$
0
0
.
The teen gay rom-com called Love Simon is hitting blu-ray in two weeks (specifically on June 12th) and so all sorts of special features and what-nots (or perhaps even better in the immortal words of Dr. Suess "whoozits") are getting unloaded online in order to best separate you the consumer from that cash money burning a hole in your wallet and or/ purse-shaped object. I liked the movie an awful lot, more than I anticipated given its Pottery Barn leanings, you can read my review here. I really do think it's more interesting than it's gotten credit for. 
.
.
Anyway one of the things they've released to whet your appetite is a deleted scene that features Colton Haynes hitting on Nick Robinson at a bar, and I think it's safe to say that several people just had to close their browsers and go change their pants after I typed that so let's just watch...
.
↧

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

May 31, 2018, 11:41 am
$
0
0
... you can learn from:


Steven: There's a way we can put a stop to all of this. All we need to do is find the tooth of a baby crocodile, the blood of a pigeon and the pubes of a virgin. And then we just have to burn them all before sunset. Let me see, do we have any spare teeth lying around? Teeth, pubes? Nope, none here! Let me see, do we have any here? Pubes? teeth? Nothing in this box either. Where are they? I'm sure they were here earlier. I put them here myself. Who's been moving things around? Fucking unbelievable! I don't suppose you have any pubes I could have, by any chance? Oh, I forgot. You don't have any left. We don't have any of the things we need.

Happy 42 to Colin Farrell today!
.
↧
↧

American Movie Review

May 31, 2018, 12:38 pm
$
0
0
.
Have I become too hard of a cynic in my middle-age? I fear so - signs and symbols keep slapping me to and fro. Take for instance American Animals, the college heist movie out this weekend starring Evan Peters and Barry Keoghan as wannabe bad-asses a la Tarantino but a bit too John Hughes to make it quite there. I watched American Animals with perhaps too much of a side-eye because I didn't believe jack-shit I was watching. 

I don't mean the actors were bad at selling the circumstances (they were fine) or that the directing was weak (it was fine) or anything like that - I mean I went into the film knowing nothing about the true-life story the film's based on and the harder the movie worked at reminding me of its "This is Based on a True Story" bonafides I kept watching it through Fargo-tinted "True Story" glasses. Like uh huh true story sure get a load of these guys nudge nudge. Sure there's a place called Transylvania University. (Whoops there is.) And sure a bunch of kids tried to rob the library of great big bird books. (Whoops they did.)

I spent so much misplaced mental energy watching the film thinking myself clever for poking holes in its fabrications, energy that actually ultimately proved me dumb as a box of hair, that I even convinced myself that the real-life criminals who are interviewed throughout the film were actors themselves - the film plays like an ongoing series of reenactments as these real folks lay out what happened, or what happened as they remember it anyway, and I thought I'd unlocked its secret key and that the movie was doubling down on its fakery. I was actually utterly convinced by the film's midpoint that Spencer Reinhard, the real-life person that Barry Keoghan's playing and who we see on screen, was being played by Barry's Dunkirk co-star Fionn Whitehead!

Whoops... it wasn't. All this makes it a hard film for me to really review because it turns out I watched a movie that this movie was not. I only realized I'd burrowed my brain into the wrong end of the basement when the rug wasn't pulled out by the film's credits - that I'd gone and made the film more byzantine than it ended up being. Since so much of the movie is explicitly about people deluding themselves into being people they aren't, talking about just that, I'd figured hey, what a trick!

What a trick that wasn't. And so... what a review this isn't? Lesson learned, then - don't rob fancy libraries, especially ones staffed by Ann Dowd (I mean for god's sake) and don't out-think movies before they've thought through their thoughts themselves. American Animals might ultimately be half-thought-through but it's not my job to then go and have an over-compensating fit thinking it all the way around the world and back for them. That's no good for nobody.
.
↧

Five Frames From ?

May 31, 2018, 12:44 pm
↧
Search

Who Bearded Best?

May 31, 2018, 1:21 pm
$
0
0
.
Back in March we did a big gratuitous post for Sam Claflin when the trailer for his boating-thriller Adrift with Shaileene Woodley first dropped alongside the news that he was going to star in a crime-thriller called The Corrupted - well today there's stuff on both those fronts. There's the first picture of Sam in the latter above, which is clearly worth sharing. That's a new look for Sam, and we like it. And as for Adrift, well, that's out in theaters tomorrow. That's all I got. I missed the press screening so I can't tell you if it's worth seeing or not. But hey here's something - it's a big weekend in beards at the multiplex! Let's judge those!

bike tracks
↧

Say Good Night, Michael

May 31, 2018, 1:52 pm
$
0
0
.
As the prophesy foretold this week has come to a quick and un-showy end - just three short days and I'm done til Monday. Good riddance, I'm already exhausted. Next week is a good one though - Hereditary is finally out next Friday! And so is the Mister Rogers documentary! (Now there's a double-feature.) Oh and the finale of Sense8 that us fans wished into existence pops up next Friday too! So y'all do what you gotta, go watch American Animals and tell me how dumb my "not a review" review was or whatever, stare at these pictures here of Michael B. Jordan and then go stare at the pictures of Chadwick Boseman that I posted earlier on the Tumblr and have yourself a stylish Black Panther fantasy-time; I'll see y'all Monday.


↧
↧

Happy 13 to MNPP From Liam's Beard & You

June 4, 2018, 1:58 pm
$
0
0
.
This past weekend marked the 13th birthday of this site - MNPP is now a teenager! Computer games and hormones, rowr! And as the case with all teenagers what we really want for our birthday is cold hard cash. This is the only time of year I allow myself to put my little hand out and make like a beggar (even though we need to survive all year long, heh heh, funny enough) -- if you enjoy what we do here at the site why don't you throw us a penny... or a thousand pennies... or a million pennies! I don't know math; that's like what twenty bucks? There's a donation button in the right-hand column (it says DONATE) or you can click right here. 

And to make this post more than begging I'm going to share thirteen blocks of pictures of Liam Hemsworth. They'll have you begging but for other things, cough cough. Hit the jump for them, and thanks for your continued presence and patronage, folks...












↧

Good Morning, World

June 5, 2018, 6:11 am
$
0
0
.
I'm not sure where this gratuitously self-exploitative photo of Harris Dickinson comes from, it's not on his Instagram, but there's something very Beach Rats: Real World Edition about it right? Every time I see the trailer for Harris' forthcoming YA adaptation called The Darkest Minds I can't help but think of the little tweens seeing the cute boy for the first time and thinking they'll go look him up in another movie and there's Beach Rats and wham there's a dick in Harris' butt and he's shaving his pubes on the toilet... that'll be a lot for those tweens to handle. A lot of tweens are about to grow up real fast! (I'm being old-fashioned aren't I? The tweens of today have seen dirtier things than even I ever have, no doubt.)
.
↧

Five Frames From ?

June 5, 2018, 7:24 am
↧
Viewing all 13731 articles
Browse latest View live
Search