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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

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... you can learn from:


 Paul: Did you see Donald Barthelme's obituary? 
He said that collage was the art form of the 20th century. 
Ouisa: Everything is somebody else's. 
Paul: Not your children. Not your life. 
Ouisa: No, you got me there. That is mine. 
That is nobody else's. 
Paul: You don't sound happy. 
Ouisa: There is so much you don't know. 
You are so smart and so stupid. 

A most happy 73rd birthday 
to the legend Stockard Channing.
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Goodbye Clementine

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Today's Valentine episode of "Beauty vs Beast" is celebrating the greatest romance of our age (says me), Michel Gondry's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind -- click here to go vote! I was a bit flummoxed and flabbergasted when I checked that I hadn't ever made people choose between Joel & Clementine before. It's a cruel decision to foist upon people, but knowing the  actress-centric TFE audience the winner seems a pre-ordained given... but my vote is totally Joel. Poor Joel. (I actually probably identify a little too closely with Joel but let's not get into that.)
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

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Today I'd rather be...

... taking Tom Hardy to the mat.
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Idris Elba with his fighting show is not the first British thespian to take to Discovery UK to make a sexy spectacle of himself in such a fashion - Tom Hardy was doing this shit a few years back. That said I do wish that if Idris is going to follow the career path of his RockNRolla co-star he'd look to a different move out of Tom's playbook though...


I Am Link

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--- The King of Baltimore - This is one of those articles that would've gotten a "Quote of the Day" post all to themselves if the entire damn thing wasn't a "Quote of the Day" from start to finish - point being you need to go read this new interview with John Waters at The Guardian where he talks about the new age of anarchy upon us and also gives a how to, against his dead mother's wishes, on shooting up acid, which yes is real thing people do apparently. At 70 years old this man remains my primary inspiration for life.

--- Family Matters - At The Film Experience Jose got to chat with the real-life mother-son duo who inspired the movie Lion, which stars Nicole Kidman and Dev Patel as them, and they both seem to acknowledge the full grooviness of such a thing happening. I would let Dev Patel play me, if he wanted to. Heck I would also let Nicole Kidman play me, actually. Even better! Anyway have you guys seen Lion yet? See it! It's lovely.

--- Eight Exciting Hours - You should have seen me running around my apartment squealing with delight reading this news - Rainer Werner Fassbinder's 1972 television series Eight Hours Are Not a Day has been restored! I guess it's playing Berlinale this week, and (one presumes) it will move outwards, presumably in our general direction, after that. New (old) Fassbinder to see! Hooray! The series is 5 episodes and 8 hours long (hence the title), so I suppose sitting through it in a festival situation will be taxing, but I'm up to the challenge. (thx Mac)

--- Everything's Coming Up Thandie - If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be happy to see the name "Thandie Newton" attached to anything I'd have come over there and smacked you in the goddamned face. But then Westworld happened and now it's all up in the air! I'm hesitant to go all in, because Westworld could just be the perfect meeting of actress and role and it's entirely possible she'll go back to being godawful like everything pre-Westworld. But that I'm willing to give her a chance is a damned miracle. Anyway I just read she's probably going to be in the Young Han Solo movie opposite Alden Ehrenreich, and mixed in with that news was word she's currently filming Xavier Dolan's movie with Kit Harington too. And I am not angry! A damned miracle.

--- And Speaking of actors I didn't like awhile back that are now in my good graces... it's awfully hard to believe I once didn't like Oscar Isaac, but it's true... Oscar has signed on to make a WWII thriller called The Garbo Network which is based on a true story about "an eccentric double-agent with no military or covert training" who made up a gigantic spy ring out of thin air and convinced two governments to play along. Sounds like a fascinating story.

--- Trilogy of Terror - We heard last week the crazy-pants news that David Gordon Green and Danny McBride had gotten their hands on the chance to make a new Halloween movie - some more details have emerged on what their plans are: McBride says that the movie will, in the grand tradition of things lately, not be a remake but will follow the events of the first two (good) movies. Not to knock the third Halloween, which I adore, but which has no connection to the Michael Myers story at all.

--- And Finally I have posted a couple times on The Ottoman Lieutenant, the upcoming WWI period romance starring Michiel Huisman and Josh Hartnett and blah blah unfortunately some lady in between them - see here and see here. Well now there's a trailer, and it involves a whole lot of Michiel Huisman and his gorgeous mane of hair swanning around in a gorgeous military uniform on horseback, so you probably should watch it.
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Eat Me Momoa

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The Bad Batch is the new movie from Ana Lily Amirpour, whose last (first) movie was A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night, aka that black-and-white Iranian Vampire movie from a couple of years ago... no, not that black-and-white Iranian Vampire movie, the other that black-and-white Iranian Vampire movie. Okay there has only been one that black-and-white Iranian Vampire movie, I was just checking to see if you were paying attention. (Here is my review of that black-and-white Iranian Vampire movie if you missed it.)

Anyway The Bad Batch is Amirpour's desert cannibal movie starring Jason Momoa - funny that "desert cannibals" are actually a a well-established genre, as opposed to her last movie, right? "Another Desert Cannibal Movie?" yes, another Desert Cannibal Movie. But one starring a half-naked Jason Momoa... that I can get behind. Here's the just dropped trailer:
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The Bad Batch is out on June 23rd - you can
hit the jump for more Momoa...








Tom Cullen Has Been Working Out

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Y'all remember Tom Cullen of Weekend right? Weekend is a good movie so I hope so. Hard to believe it's been over five years since that movie came out but it has indeed been just that, and in the time since he's been on Downton Abbey and he's co-starred in a movie with Idris Elba's bum but we haven't seen all that much of him... and it seems that's because he's been at the damned gym the whole time.

That is from the trailer for Knightfall, an upcoming History Channel series which seems poised to do for the Knights Templar what The Tudors did for Henry Cavill's ass and what Vikings did for three-ways with priests and what Game of Thrones did for stabbing fetuses in the face - make it all the rage! I'm not surprised that The History Channel (which apparently just go by History now?) is getting in on this racket - it makes perfect sense. Knightfall is set to debut this fall. Here's the full trailer:
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But that ain't the only Tom Cullen news - he's also got a movie coming out on March 5th! It's called The Other Halfand it co-stars Tatiana Maslany, who everybody and their brother is in love with thanks to that clone-show Orphan Black (which I still have never seen) (I KNOW). The description of The Other Half -- it is about "a grief-stricken man and a bipolar woman who fall in love and attempt to forge a simple life together" -- sounds like a bit much to me (that's a lot of angst in just a few words) but who knows, and Tom looks damn fine in that buffalo plaid jacket he's wearing in all of the photos from it...


Good Morning, World

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My Thomas Jane obsession has been reawakened thanks to all his recent shirtlessness on The Expanse (see here and see here) and so we look back to his previous show, his great big dick show called Hung, for comfort. Hung seems kind of forgotten these days but Christ was it a great big dicked gift for us Thomas Jane obsessives. I posted about it so many times during its run I'm just going to tell you to scan back through the archives if you seek more; for now here is a tantalizing glimpse of his furry lil' tummy from the second episode of the second season because why not.


Five Frames From ?


5 Off My Head - Siri Says 1941

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Like most of us these days it appears Siri wants to punch some Nazis, and so this morning when I asked her our weekly query - to choose a number between 1 and 100 - she gave me 41, shooting us back to the year 1941, and with it The Movies of 1941

Unfortunately for her Siri over-shot the War and with it Prime Nazi Punching Time a wee bit -- Pearl Harbor didn't hit until December of that year and so the US wasn't in full-propaganda mode yet, and you can see that from this batch of films. The only film really about the overseas conflict is in the runners-up, is British, and was a direct attempt by its director Michael Powell to pressure the US into joining the war. (The movies of 1942, which I previously listed for this series, are a darker batch.)

So anyway this is a surprisingly light selection of films with such dark clouds looming on the horizon - more Barbara Stanwyck than she can shake her gams at! She put out four movies this year and two of them (one co-starring Gary Cooper and one co-starring Henry Fonda) are my absolute faves of hers, while the other two (one co-starring Gary Cooper and, uh, one co-starring Henry Fonda) ain't no stinkers. Oh and there's also what was called the Greatest Movie Ever Made for about six decades. (I always quibbled with that distinction but it's still pretty fine all the same.) And so I give you...

My 5 Favorite Movies of 1941

(dir. Howard Hawks)
-- released on December 31st, 1941 --

(dir. George Waggner)
-- released on December 12th, 1941 --

(dir. Alfred Hitchcock)
-- released on November 14th, 1941 --

(dir. Orson Welles)
-- released on September 5th, 1941 --

(dir. Preston Sturges)
-- released on March 21st, 1941 --

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Runners-up: The Maltese Falcon (dir. John Huston),  Sullivan's Travels (dir. Preston Sturges), Meet John Doe (dir. Frank Capra), Dumbo (dir. Ben Sharpsteen), Here Comes Mr. Jordan (dir. Alexander Hall), Hellzapoppin' (dir. H.C. Potter)...

... Mr. & Mrs. Smith (dir. Alfred Hitchcock), Penny Serenade (dir. George Stevens), 49th Parallel (dir. Michael Powell), You Belong to Me (dir. Wesley Ruggles)

Never Seen: How Green Was My Valley (dir. John Ford)

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What are your favorite movies of 1941?
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Today's Mood

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Be one with the awful, cheap girls.


Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

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Bill: What should I tell Tyrone Power for you? 
Birdie: Just give him my phone number; 
I'll tell him myself. 

Legendary character actress Thelma Ritter was born 115 years ago today in (where else) Brooklyn, New York. She acted a little on stage and the radio when she was younger (she even took professional training) but she got married and raised her two kids before having any sort of career - her first movie role was in 1947 at the age of 45 where she played a harried shopper in Miracle on 34th Street.

A little somebody named Darryl F. Zanuck noticed her and loved her and had her part beefed up a bit - same happened with her next role in Joseph L. Mankiewicz's A Letter to Three Wives' in 1949.

Mankiewicz loved her so much that he went and gave her the shiny role of Birdie in All About Eve, his next film, and wham, Thelma Ritter was Thelma Fuckin' Ritter. She received her first of six Oscar nominations for the movie -- of course she never won a statue, because the Oscars are hella dumb. But Thelma Ritter is forever.


Today's Fanboy Delusion

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Today I'd rather be...

...smuggling guns with Thor.
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That's right it's another chapter in Thor's eternal roommate squabble -- if you missed the previous video, click right here. These sure are fun! I am assuming that Ragnorak director and general funny dude Taika Waititi has been behind them? It's great they're really leaning into the character's humor because 1) Hemsworth sells it and 2) the character desperately needs to be funny (the second film was way too serious). Hit the jump for a few more gifs...



Get Yourself Someone Who Looks At You...

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... the way Glen looks at Russell.

... the way Lena looks at Barry.

... the way Hideko looks at Sook-hee.

... the way John looks at Fanny.
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Good Morning, World

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By popular demand (aka you guys can stop nagging at me about it already!) here is Riz Ahmed in this week's season premiere of Girls! Not that staring at Riz was precisely a chore... but editing these gifs around Lena Dunham's natural bush kind of was. I mean bless her, I think Lena's great and the show's as funny as ever and she gave us not only shirtless Riz but Adam Driver...

... prancing around in little black briefs all in one episode, so no complaints here. You keep letting yer pubic hair flag fly, Lena Dunham. (Oh but if you skimp on including Big Gay Corey Stoll in that orgy Andrew Rannells said he is planning I will be very very angry.) Until then let us hit the jump for more Riz & Adam...















Get Ready For The Book of Dust!

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It doesn't matter to me that this news isn't about a renewed interest in reviving the film series -- if there's news about Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials, then I will illustrate such news with a photograph of Daniel Craig in character in the movie version because Daniel Craig in tweed with a beard just gives me energy to go on. And boy is there ever new news about Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials! The author has just announced he is writing an entire new trilogy!

Okay. Have you woken up on the floor? I will give you a minute to situate yourself. Take deep breaths. It it true. The Guardian wouldn't lie to us!

"The Book of Dust, an epic fantasy trilogy that will stand alongside his bestselling series, His Dark Materials, will be published in October around the world. The as-yet-untitled first volume of The Book of Dust, due out on 19 October, will be set in London and Oxford, with the action running parallel to the His Dark Materials trilogy.

... Pullman’s brave and outspoken heroine, Lyra Belacqua, will return in the first two volumes. Featuring two periods of her life – as a baby and 10 years after His Dark Materials ended – the series will include other characters familiar to existing readers, as well as creations such as alethiometers (a clock-like truth-telling device), daemons (animals that are physical manifestations of the human spirit) and the Magisterium, the church-like totalitarian authority that rules Lyra’s world."

Pullman has already finished the first two books and is at work on the third, so it doesn't seem like we have to worry about any kind of George RR Martin situation here. Anyway I was just looking at my copies of the original HDM books on my shelf the other day and considering a re-read and obviously, the time is perfect. Y'all have read the books right? I'm not surprised that the big-screen Hollywood version failed - they were never going to have the balls to make the movies about what the books are about. The BBC was supposedly working on a new TV miniseries based off of them but I haven't seen an update on that in awhile and it's not mentioned here.
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Pedro Pascal Seven Times

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Esquire is apparently trying to make camo happen, as a fashion thing, so they put sexy Pedro Pascal in a bunch of it for a fashion-spread and a brief interview (thx Mac) -- Pedro looks good but I'm not so sure about camo. Anyway you can see the rest of the pictures after the jump...




Five Frames From ?

Good Evening, Gratuitous Clemens Schick

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The German actor Clemens Schick is turning 45 today -- Schick's been on my radar for a little bit but not nearly as long as he should've been; I first looked him up last year thanks to his turn as a side-kick of Edgar Ramirez' in the Point Break remake.

But he's been around much longer than that, having had small roles going back as far as Enemy at the Gates (opposite Jude Law) and as Mads Mikkelsen's bald-headed sidekick in Casino Royale.

And yes he is almost always playing bad guys and their evil sidekicks, with his icy blue eyes and sexy facial scar and that general air of dangerous Germanic devilry. Who doesn't want a good lusty villain once in awhile? (Or all the while?) (Okay definitely all the while.) The thing that surprised me about Clemens, since he's such a tough guy on the surface, was finding out he's openly gay.

We don't get to do nearly enough openly gay great big Gratuitous posts around here, so this is a treat. I think he came out right around the time he co-starred opposite the adorable Wagner Moura in Futuro Beach (aka Praia do Futuro) a German-Brazilian movie about the steamy love affair between a lifeguard (Moura) and a man he saved from drowning. 

I have been meaning to watch this movie for ages and ages but I haven't gotten around to it yet - have any of you seen it? There are some pretty sexy gifs down below of the two of them in the film; more incentive to finally get around to it. 

Anyway here's another fun factoid about Schick: yes he is openly gay but he's had explicit (and I do mean explicit) sex with a woman on film, in a 2011 short called Hotel Desire. You'll see some gifs from that below too but I had to edit them somewhat because he seriously goes all the way. All the way.

That's some impressive dedication to one's craft, you guys. He's nearly as dedicated to exploiting himself as I am to exploiting him in return (nearly) -- if you hit the jump you'll see over one hundred more (occasionally very NSFW) pictures of him...
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Good Morning, World

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Nev Schulman did a pro-fur PETA ad
and I approve of that message. (thx Mac)
But doesn't it seem an odd choice for PETA
to use dead stuffed animals?
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Five Frames From ?

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