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5 Off My Head: Getting Lucky With Logan

May 30, 2017, 9:16 am
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Yesterday the poster (see above) and the trailer for Steven Soderbergh's maybe triumphant return to movies called Logan Lucky, which is about a heist at a NASCAR race and which stars Channing Tatum and Adam Driver and Daniel Craig and Sebastian Stan among others, popped up online, and I think it looks terrific! Goofy and colorful and filled with sexy fellas making funny high-pitched voices - what's not to love? Okay I'm slightly worried about all the accents - one goofy accent is fine but multiple ones might be pushing their luck, but we'll see. Here's the trailer:
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The Film Experience already gave the trailer the "Yes No Maybe So" treatment so go read that but I wanted to do something a little different... aka I needed an excuse to gif the sexier exploitative shots in the thing. So I give you...

My 5 Favorite Shots in the Logan Lucky trailer

1. Any time Channing Tatum bends over it's a cause for celebration. Chan bending over towards Adam Driver? Doubly so! But I kind of felt like this shot could be improved, so I...

... improved it. I mean the trailer itself went and reminded us that Soderbergh's last movie was Magic Mike so day-dreaming about a gay redneck lap-dance is only natural.

2. Daniel Craig is introduced taint-first, which funny enough is exactly how I would like to meet Daniel Craig in real life.




3. Daniel Craig - whose character is awesomely named "Joe Bang" - then spends the rest of the trailer half-naked, which is also perfectly fine by me. And with that bleached hair he kind of looks like the gay porn version of Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and I am surprised how into it I am.

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4. Surprise! This one isn't about ogling actors at all! This one's actually serious and junk! I just think that's a winning and playful shot in the trailer - the guys in front out of focus taking selfies while the helicopters in the back are perfectly clear - that shows we can expect Soderbergh to be having some fun with his camera again. We missed him.

5. Okay back to what counts - 
Sebastian Stan spreading those lips
 of his around something.
I'm sold! How about y'all?
Logan Lucky is out on August 18th.
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Miguel Angel Silvestre One Time

May 30, 2017, 12:27 pm
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Good Morning, World

May 31, 2017, 4:00 am
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Darren Criss is in it to win it, y'all.
(via, thanks Marc)
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Five Frames From ?

May 31, 2017, 9:47 am
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Which Is Hotter?

May 31, 2017, 10:30 am
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I'm of the mind that Michael Cera was hysterically funny on the fourth episode of the new season of Twin Peaks (I know his performance has been dubbed "divisive" but I also know I am not alone in finding it a delight) but even so when my boyfriend pointed out that Michael Cera's face looked just like the infamously botched "Ecce Homo" painting after its 2012 "restoration" I couldn't see anything else. Hopefully you'll feel the same way from now on...

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

May 31, 2017, 10:44 am
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... you can learn from:

Lola (1981)

Esslin: He who has no house shall not build one. 
He who is alone shall long remain so... 
Lola: Why do you only read me sad poems? 
Esslin: Poetry is always sad. 
Lola: And why's that? Why can't it be funny for once? 
Esslin: Because a poem comes from the soul. 
And the soul is sad. 
Lola: Is it? And why is that? Nitwit. 
Esslin: Because the soul knows more than the mind. 
That's why it's sad. 
Lola: Strange. For me, it's the other way around. 
For me, the mind knows more than the soul. 

Rainer Werner Fassbinder was born on this day in 1945.


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There's No Fighting in the War Machine

May 31, 2017, 12:04 pm
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They don't make movies like this anymore. That's all I kept thinking while watching David Michôd's War Machine -- they literally don't make sixty million dollar movies about people standing around talking like this anymore. Four hundred million dollar movies about people wearing capes standing around talking on top of buildings that are crashing to the ground, sure. One million dollar movies about people standing around talking about their broken souls, oh yes. But War Machine is all, nothing, either, or, neither and nor. 

So what works best in its favor is thinking these outside thoughts because then you appreciate the movie more than you appreciate the movie on its own modest terms. Knowing that Netflix mustered up this budget and made this movie happen with a stellar cast who we like to see stand around and talk and with a fine director like Michôd makes me want to look for things to like. 

It isn't a monstrous task! The movie's amiable and moves at a brisk enough pace. It has a... nice personality, in other words. A razor sharp satire about modern war... notsomuch. It likes its enemy too much. But as a gingerly step in the right direction War Machine manages to untangle some thorny knots about the absurd emptiness of the "winning" mindset. It should probably be angrier. There's a nice intrusion of anger - delivered genially and shaped like Tilda Swinton - for a hot minute that's worth its weight in Swinton. But the movie's more sad than anything, and I just don't know if "sad" is what any of us are quite looking for right this moment.
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Aldis Hodge Five Times

May 31, 2017, 2:01 pm
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I didn't watch Underground (making me part of the problem) but my first thought today upon reading that the show has been cancelled was "Well somebody better scoop up Aldis Hodge real quick then!" So somebody do that, please. Did any of you watch Underground?

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Do Dump or Marry: Pick Your Colins

May 31, 2017, 3:41 pm
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It is the 41st birthday of the great Colin Farrell today - aren't you glad we stuck with him? I was worried for awhile but smart writers like Martin McDonagh and Yorgos Lanthimos finally figured out how to make him pop and here we are and we're all the better for it. 

Anyway I wanted to do something a little different this time so here's the deal: I want you to "Do Dump or Marry" any three characters of Colin's that you choose. He's got nearly two decades worth of 'em -- go ahead and consult IMDb and then come tell us in the comments. Here are my picks:

DO: Private Roland Bozz, Tigerland -- Colin's been sexy many many times over since this film brought him to international attention in the year 2000, but I don't think anybody's fetishized every inch of him quite the way Joel Schumacher's camera did. Still Bozz is too erratic for a lifetime - one night would be plenty to fuel forever. (Runners-up: Bobby in A Home at the End of the World or Colin Farrell in Colin Farrell's Sex Tape)

DUMP: A tie between Bobby Pellit in Horrible Bosses for obvious reasons and Graves in Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them for NOT obvious reasons aka spoiler alert there's a really fucking disgusting Johnny Depp hiding away under that wonderful exterior. Runner-up: Alexander in Alexander because god that hair.)

MARRY: Ray in In Bruges -- okay okay I know that he's emotionally broken beyond repair in this but he's also so cynical and funny and expressive... I mean I could dine out for the remainder of my life on just the things he does with his eyebrows in this movie. (Runners-up: Danny in Minority Report or David in The Lobster.) 

Now it's your turn! 
Give me your three in the comments! 
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Good Morning, Bill

June 1, 2017, 7:22 am
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Apropos of nothing (or is it apropos of EVERYTHING) here are a couple of pictures of William Holden on the beach in some terrifically skimpy swim-trunks in the 1955 romance Love is a Many Splendored Thing. I had never seen this movie until TCM played it a couple of weeks ago - I only caught about half an hour of it but Bill's looking good... but then there's the whole "Jennifer Jones in yellow face" thing that kind of puts a kibosh on getting too involved with the film emotionally at this point in time. Still I was looking at a really wonderful picture of Bill yesterday (that I posted on the Tumblr) and I figured I should share these too, and here we are.


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Nice Melons, Billy Magnussen

June 1, 2017, 7:34 am
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Five Frames From ?

June 1, 2017, 8:32 am
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

June 1, 2017, 8:45 am
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... you can learn from:


Emma: What's that for? 
Tommy: To make sure he's dead. There used to be a time 
it was hard to tell a comatose person from a dead one, 
so coroners tied bells to everybody in the morgue. 
So if they heard a 'ting', they knew somebody 
down there wasn't quite ready to go. 
Emma: So, why do you have one? 
Tommy: Well, I'm... I'm a bit of a traditionalist. 

As you can guess that bell eventually rings. It's the dead person's toe bell version of "Chekhov's Gun." Anyway if you haven't seen last year's terrific horror flick The Autopsy of Jane Doe, get yourself on it! You can rent it right now on Amazon, even. And in case you missed it way back when here's my review. We bring it up today because today is the 71st birthday of the film's star, the great Brian Cox, whose fine level-headed work makes this movie's story, which grows a bit absurd, sing. He's good like that.
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Happy 12 to MNPP

June 1, 2017, 9:00 am
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Tomorrow marks the 12th anniversary of this here place called My New Plaid Pants - I started blogging this site on June 2nd, 2005 and here we are 896 posts about Jake Gyllenhaal later, still going strong. Strongish, anyway. Strong adjacent?

Anyway if you'll allow me a PBS moment I'm going to use this annual yippee as an opportunity to ask for donations, of the monetary sort. I put a lot of work into this here site - too much for my own sanity, probably - and I don't make any money for all this work, so if you've ever enjoyed any of my nonsense why don't you throw me a penny or two? Or three, even!


And over in the right-hand column there's always a Donation Button right there, waiting... waiting... waiting... or you can do your Amazon shopping through our site (also in the right-hand column) and we get a decent percentage on that.

I try to keep ads to a minimum because I find ads distracting and annoying and nobody ever clicks on those things anyway. But I really also could use a little side income, on occasion, given all the work I put in. I love doing it! I do it for fun. But somebody's got to keep me flush in glittery hair-dos and Golden Girls Action Figures, after all.

In all seriousness I love you guys and I love writing this site but money's kinda sorta become an issue and without deep-diving down this particular rabbit hole I'm trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life here just shy of 40 years old and I could use some help, of the compensatory sort, if you're willing or able. Don't think of it as begging... think of it as a reward! That's what I am telling myself anyway, to feel not quite so lame. 

Anyway that's my spiel. I hope you've enjoyed these past 12 years of gratuitous ogling and bottomless bullshit, and I hope I can keep doing this for as long I have nonsense to spout. Thanks to all of you for coming... and staying. 

Now maybe sneak a couple singles on the dresser as you slink out?
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"I remember one morning getting up at dawn..."

June 1, 2017, 10:07 am
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"... there was such a sense of possibility. 
You know, that feeling? 
And I remember thinking to myself: 
So, this is the beginning of happiness. 
This is where it starts. 
And of course there will always be more. 
It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. 
It was happiness. It was the moment. 
Right then." 


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5 Off My Head: Tucker Unbound

June 1, 2017, 10:42 am
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Save a quick tweet I didn't get the chance to properly wish one of our favorite actors, Mr. Jonathan Tucker, a happy birthday yesterday - he turned 35 and the third and final season of his show Kingdom premiered all at once! I got to thinking about all the wonderful, electric work he's gifted us with so far and I realized this'd be a fine time for a list! So here's a list of why I love watching him, and I'm not even talking about his abs for once! Dude's got talent to spare.

My 5 Favorite Jonathan Tucker Performances

"What we have here is a dreamer.
Someone completely out of touch with reality."

Beau inThe Deep End
"How do you know what I think?"

Jeff in The Ruins
"The police, our parents, the Greeks, somebody.
Somebody is going to find us.
We just have to be alive when they do."

Jay on Kingdom
 "Well, hurts like hell but the pay is terrible."

Matthew on Hannibal
"I wonder what they're gonna call me... You know, the Iroquois used to eat their enemies to take their strength. Maybe your murders will become my murders... I'll be the Chesapeake Ripper now. "

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So what's your favorite Jonathan Tucker performance?
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Let Us Ignore...

June 1, 2017, 11:14 am
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A post shared by Miguel Angel Silvestre (@miguelangelsilvestre) on
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... the news that Netflix has canceled Sense8 and just watch this video of Miguel Angel Silvestre boxing for twenty seconds, because everything is terrible except for that. Dammit. I've always thought that save the hotness the show was a mixed bag, but it had really truly and finally discovered "plot" in its second season and the damn thing ended on a cliffhanger! Why you fucking with us, Netflix?


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A Man Worth Sinning With

June 1, 2017, 11:44 am
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It's Dominic Cooper's birthday tomorrow and since we won't be online we're wishing him a good one today, dammit. Feel free to wander back through our extensive (and I do mean extensive) archives for the actor - we've been singing of his glory longer and more emphatically than anywhere. Preacher's back on June 19th for its second season and we're looking forward to it  for more goofy gory antics and hopefully more extensive scenes of Dom in his underpants as well. You can see some new images from the show right here.

(click that to embiggen for all the fun little details, and thanks Mac) In other Dom news his Dracula Untold co-star Luke Evans posted a behind-the-scenes shot from that movie last week of the two of them to celebrate the anniversary of Bram Stoker's book (hey we were also talking about that last week, what a coincidence) and so we'll just go ahead and ask...

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Tom Holland Two Times

June 1, 2017, 12:01 pm
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I don't want to hear a single word from you about perving on an adolescent again - I am just dealing with what is being handed to me here! Anyway there's also a brief snippet of Tom's interview with British GQ at this link if you care about words. And a happy (sigh) 21st birthday to Tom today!


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Good Morning, World

June 5, 2017, 7:22 am
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I figured we're all still riding high on our Wonder Woman buzz this Monday morning - did y'all go see it? It it so great! - so why not start the day with a little Chris Pine - so charming in the film and with such effortless chemistry with his leading lady - to savor? I actually have no idea what film these gifs are from though, I just snatched them off of Google - is it one of the Star Treks maybe? Anyway what we're really waiting for is his nude scene in WW to leak onto the internet, but until then...


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