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Good Morning, Daniel Craig

March 2, 2016, 7:00 am
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I'd saved the above gif off of some Tumblr earlier this week because, even though I have posted these images of Daniel Craig in Flashbacks of a Foolhere on MNPP before, I liked the way this one moved, as it were. Anyway I'd saved it for myself not realizing I was doing so just a day or two before Mr. Bond's birthday, but here we are and it's a beautiful day and that's a beautiful bum and a beautiful happy birthday day to him. 

Anyway the longstanding rumor heated up for the millionth time over the weekend that 1) Craig is done with James Bond, and 2) Idris Elba is totes taking over the role, and it's probably all hogwash, just reheated, but I'd like to say that I really hope our collective hoping makes it happen. I'd be sad to see Craig walk away (unless he's walking away like he is in that gif in which case I am never sad to watch that), especially on a weak effort like Spectre, but perhaps it's time. And as for Idris it is always time for Idris.


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Five Frames From ?

March 2, 2016, 7:11 am
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Which Is Hotter?

March 2, 2016, 7:50 am
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The Playlist shares those two new posters for Ben Wheatley's High-Rise, my most anticipated movie of the moment - love the kaleidoscopic mélange of their advertising but it's been difficult keeping up; they release several posters a week, it feels like! They've almost all been fine to excellent, but still. I mean if they all had Naked Tom Hiddleston on them then maybe I'd keep up but as is, we'll stick to every other. 
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The Grand High Tilda Witch

March 2, 2016, 8:46 am
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There is a brief update on The Greatest Movie That Doesn't Exist Yet But Very Well May Exist Very Near In The Future! I speak of course of I Am Love director Luca Guadagnino's remake of Dario Argento's Suspiria starring Tilda Swinton. (What, you thought I meant the next Minions?)We haven't heard anything since September-ish, but the two of them have been busy finishing and promoting A Bigger Splash. Anyway Luca did a Q&A recently and at said Q&A he shared that they very much intend to make this movie, and also these three things:

1) It will be set in Berlin in 1977
2) I Am Love composer John Adams will hopefully do the music.
3) It will be his most "Fassbenderian" film to date

Straight up, Luca Guadagnino is trying to kill me. He wants my heart to explode, he does. Or even more accurately he wants to put a jinx on me that takes human form and smashes my face against a window-pane before dragging me across a roof-top, stabbing me in the exposed heart, stringing me up, and tossing me through a stained-glass window. That's what Luca Guadagnino wants to do to me! And I am good with that, actually.

I actually kind of can't wrap my head around what a mixture of Argento & Fassbender would be - the former is all hysteria and psychosis while the latter is sedated miserablism. Visually I can picture it, and maybe that's what Luca means, but emotionally they are very different filmmakers. That said they are different but they are also FAVORITES so I will shut up and wait to see what he's getting at the second it is possible.
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

March 2, 2016, 9:38 am
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... you can learn from:


Bart: Now just because we're kids, Because we're sort of small, Because we're closer to the ground, And you are bigger pound by pound, You have no right, you have no right, To push and shove us little kids around... Now just because your throat has got a deeper voice, And lots of wind to blow it out, At little kids who dare not shout, You have no right, you have no right, To boss and beat us little kids about... Just because you've whiskers on your face to shave, You treat us like a slave... So what? It's only hair. Just because you wear a wallet near your heart, You think you're twice as smart. You know that isn't fair... But we'll grow up someday, and when we do I pray, We won't just grow in size and sound, And just be bigger pound by pound... I'd hate to grow, like some I know, Who push and shove us little kids around. 

Dr. Seuss, that silly goose, was born 112 years ago today!
This is the only good live-action Seuss movie - see it! Be it!
And then read our great big post on the movie here. Dear.
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"Could you just not breathe?"

March 2, 2016, 12:04 pm
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Breaking news! Breaking news! This news is so broken I can't even give you good link yet -- Robert Zemeckis' dark comedy classic Death Becomes Her, starring Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn as megalomaniacs with regenerative super-powers and Bruce Willis as the nebbish caught between them (not to mention Isabella Rossellini as EVERYTHING in a cape), is finally getting a proper release! 

The wonderful folks at Scream Factory are dropping it on blu-ray on April 26th, just in time for... I don't know, April 27th. Point being, it's always time for Death Becomes Her. And the disc will have a brand new featurette about the making of the film. Pre-order your copy HERE!
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Schoenaerts In The Deep

March 2, 2016, 12:53 pm
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Gird your loins for the sight of a hot sweaty Matthias Schoenaerts trapped in a submarine with a bunch of hot sweaty men, all of them gracefully stubbled and grizzled and gorgeous, no doubt -- he's re-teaming withFar From the Madding Crowd director Thomas Vinterberg for Kursk, the real-world story of a Russian Submarine that sank in the year 2000 when a torpedo accidentally fired, leaving the 20+ sailors on-board in a fight for hot, sweaty survival. It's based on the book A Time To Die: The Untold Story of the Kursk Tragedy, a title which makes it sound like there might not be a happy ending? Well, as long as Matty is hot and sweaty and maybe wears one of those turtlenecks that Gary Cooper wears in the submarine movie Devil and the Deep...


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The Diane / Warren Story

March 2, 2016, 1:34 pm
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I just stumbled upon this picture of Diane Keaton and Warren Beatty just looking the coolest circa 1978 and I find myself kind of obsessed with it -- where were they going? Where were they coming from? What were they talking about? I want to be a fly on the tweed in one of their blazers, lemme tell ya what. 

I need to read Diane's autobiography and see what the hell the relationship between these two was like - I find it kind of hard to imagine, honestly. Have any of you read it? I also need to go back and watch Reds again because I fucking love Reds and I haven't watched it in many many years.
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

March 2, 2016, 2:07 pm
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Today I'd rather be...

...getting a rise out of Tom Hiddleston.
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I know, you're all like - "This again? You already capped this scene once when the previous trailer for High-Rise came out." Well, you ungrateful bunch of skeptics and unbelievers, yes I did but this is the French trailer and unlike the puritanical United States the French are not afraid of letting a little dickage slip into their coming attractions. Peer closer, my friends!

Oui oui!

In related news (as if you're reading any of these words right now) the 2016 Tribeca Film Festival announced the first batch of movies they're screening and there are several very cool titles but I was like a laser in on this one...
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That's Mr. Wednesday To You

March 2, 2016, 2:27 pm
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I think it's been pretty clear to those of us who have been paying attention that the actor Ian McShane has been a God in disguise all this time anyway, so the news that he's just been cast as Mr. Wednesday -- the co-lead alongside the previously cast (and gorgeously gorgeous) Ricky Whittle as Shadow Moon in Bryan Fuller's adaptation of Neil Gaiman's book American Gods for the Starz channel -- isn't too shocking. It fits! It is perfect, perfect casting. I mean, my god. His God. All of them Gods!!!
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Good Morning, Big Nicky

March 3, 2016, 6:45 am
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Out little Nicholas Hoult has been growed up real good for awhile now, but his new movie Kill Your Friends is really putting that fact on display. Over and over and over again. 

And again. We knew this via its trailers -- see here and see here and see here for those -- but now we know it know it. Kill Your Friends is out in a couple of weeks and if you want a glimpse of the gratuitous Nicky you're gonna see in the movie (in the form of 25 or so gifs, some of them a little spoilery!) go ahead and hit the jump...
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Ghosts With The Mosts (Ladies That is)

March 3, 2016, 7:43 am
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The Glorious Ladies of Ghost Busting trailer is here, you guys!
Ahh! I'm so excited I could puke slime onto Kristen Wiig's face!

Aww somebody beat me to it. Anyway this scene seems to me is giving the whoopee-cushion to the scene in the original film where they meet their first ghost in the library and it scares the shit out of them, which leads me to wonder if they'll riff on other scenes in a similar fashion? What I am asking is...

... are we gonna see a sexy ghost
 go downtown on Melissa McCarthy or what?
Here's the trailer:
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And since I have other things to say about this trailer,
here is a list of The Five Most Important Shots in it!

1. SLIMER, FUCK YEAH!

2. Speaking of the ghosts though, I like the candy-colored neon look we've got going on with them, especially all of the shots in Times Square. (I just realized there has got to be a Times Scare joke in this movie, doesn't there?) (Sidenote: didn't they film this movie in Boston? I thought it was gonna be set in Boston? It is definitely obviously not, but for some reason I thought that.)

Continuing #2 though, these shots remind me of my FAVORITE episode of the animated Ghostbusters series, one I always thought they should make a movie from -- the villain was The Sandman, and he was making everybody's dreams and nightmares take corporeal form, and it RULED. These shots of a massive collection of bizarre ghosts could be straight out of that episode.

3. Is Kate McKinnon's character a lesbian? It sures seems that way. And what if Kristen Wiig's character is too? What if we have a romance between them centered in a mainstream action comedy? Ahhh! Blowing my mind, these thoughts.

4. Phew, we were getting too worked up over lady action there for a minute, here's some crisp clean Chirs Hemsworth action to satisfy our manly man needs. Refreshing!
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5. This trailer made me laugh several times (which is a very good sign, for a comedy!) but this bit with the wig / hat thing made me laugh the hardest. I am so excited to see Wiig & McKinnon play with each other.... maybe even in a lesbian way!

So what do you guys think?
Ghostbusters is out on July 15th, aka my birthday!
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Five Frames From ?

March 3, 2016, 8:15 am
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Which Is Hotter?

March 3, 2016, 9:46 am
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It's George Miller's 71st birthday today and we wish he could be celebrating with a much deserved Oscar statue for directing Mad Max Fury Road, but the Oscar gods are assholes, so we'll just wish him a happy day ourselves. Anyway I'm sure he's pleased plenty with that mini-sweep his movie made at the show the other night, especially given how insane it is for a movie like his to win anything from that bunch of stuffed turkeys. On that note, I double- and triple-checked this and it's crazy but it appears to be true: I have never polled y'all the following question! Craziness!

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

March 3, 2016, 10:10 am
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you can learn from:

The Hours (2002) 

Vanessa: Virginia. 
Virginia: Leonard thinks it's the end of civilization: 
People who are invited at 4 and arrive at 2:30. 
Vanessa: Oh God. 
Virginia: Barbarians. 

The happiest of birthdays to Miranda Richardson today!
Somebody (Cronenberg? Lynch?) give this woman 
another kick-ass killer role, please! She rules.


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Thursday's Ways Not To Die

March 3, 2016, 11:11 am
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Zodiac (2007)

Yesterday was the 9th anniversary of the release of David Fincher's Zodiac -- it was actually released on the same day as Black Snake Moan, both of which I reviewed right here back in 2007. My feelings towards the latter have improved slightly with the years, but my feelings for Zodiac have gone stratospheric; I suppose that maybe has something to do with the fact that Fincher's gotten kind of a bit tedious ever since? 

But he was at the height of his powers with Zodiac. I always feel kind of uncomfortable doing these posts when they are real murders being dramatized -- when I did a previous "Ways Not To Die" for Zodiac (you know the scene, the scene at the lake, aka possibly the most terrifying day-time murder ever filmed) I had to lighten the mood with some gibberish about a dream I'd had the night before. I won't bother this time around, but I will share this video talking about the film's special effects, which goes into depth about some of the shots (literally, the gun-shots) you see in this scene. (And if you hit the jump after it you will find links to Previous Ways Not To Die)
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Previous Ways Not To Die: Damsel in Da' Street -- Whispers of a Mad-Man -- Peek-a-Boom -- Precious Miseries -- A Triple Salchow Before Dying --Night Nurse -- Don't Be Greedo-- The Hand That Rocks The Greenhouse -- Jacked Up -- The Big Squeeze -- Say My Name --  Silver Shamrock -- As The Wine Turns -- sleepytime --  Eat Crow -- An Un Made Man -- Bear Topped-- When Your Hoop Dreams Become Your Hoop Nightmares -- Ungodly Grabbers -- Head Today Gone Tomorrow -- Something... Happened -- Phone Jacked-- Poker Face -- Not Ready For This Jelly -- World's Greatest DEAD -- Swiss Miss Meteor Strike -- The Whim of a Mads Man -- Big Wheeled -- Deep Red -- Bunny Petit -- Ding Dong Going Down -- The Headless Hitchcock -- Oops I Dropped The Soap -- Mary had A Little Slam -- The Beast With Too Backstabbed -- Wrath of the Merman -- Stomach Bug -- Something Icky This Way Comes -- Dagon It -- The Passion of Margaret White-- Worm Food -- Kim Jong Kill -- Harkonnen A Vagrant -- A Little Off The Top -- Laid Out By Lamas -- 1 2 3 Dandy -- One Ringy-Dingy Two Ringy-Dingy Die Ringy-Dingy -- Nanny Slam -- Forced Head -- A Wolf at the Door -- X-Ray'd -- Helen Helen Helen -- Bad Robot -- Giggle Gassed --Dark Meet -- The Lady in the Iron Mask -- Croaked -- Exit Stage Crazy -- Cold Cocked By Colin Farrell--  Comb Over -- Wishing You Happy Father's Day -- Bright Light Bright Light -- Flame With Ash Highlights -- Don't Spoke Unless Stuck Onto -- Teen Angst Bullshit-- Come What May (Day) -- Dodge This -- The Dead Knock At Dawn -- A Gentlemenly Sacrifice -- Spade & Neutered -- Flambe By Vincent -- L.O.O.K.E.R Over -- Something in the Fog-- Polly Wants A Scalpel -- Major Swirly -- White Meat Dark Meat -- Oh Dae-su You Devil -- Unto Darkness Delivered -- A Hammock Built For Slew -- Venom Down -- Worm Turned -- This Anaconda Do Want Some -- Cereal Murdered -- Deady Dearest -- Spotted Dick -- Chinatown Syndrome -- Feeling the Fury -- Blank With the Blank in the Blank -- Kill the Cook -- You be The Steeple --Boiled Bashed Stabbed & Gassed -- Iced Princess -- Straight Razor Symphony -- Prey For Mantis -- Talos Unplugged -- A Mysterious Raptoring -- Mad Monkey Robo Rampage --Give Me Liberty, Or... -- Horns of Plenty... Dead! -- Mistress-And-Run -- Wolverine Interrupted -- Who Let The Guts Out -- Zzzapped Innards-Side-Out -- Bad Romance -- Twas Beauty (And Also Aeroplanes) -- Bad Head -- Valentine's Day Massacred -- Belly Buster -- For Being Not The Babysitter -- Splat In Slo-Mo -- To Be Dis-Continued -- For Being Mouthy -- Do You Smell What Billy's Mom Is Cooking -- The Milk Done Gone Bad -- An Inability To Stop Drop and Roll -- Bug Sprayed -- Extreme Makeover: Leatherface Edition -- Window Seat Suck -- Razor Bunting -- Stabbed Thru The Heart And Witches Are To Blame -- Shark Kibble --Is That a Straight Razor In Your Trunks Or Are You Just Happy To See Me -- Bad Dates -- Fry Guy'd -- Super Battle Bystander Shrapnel Shred -- Staring Contest of the Dead -- Satanic Self Sacrifice -- Fist and Fortune -- Psychedelic Penis Slice To Window Toss -- For Crimes Against Accent -- Sacked -- Speed Bumped For Traffic Spikes -- Shark Versus Jet-Ski -- Hot Oil Treatment -- Tucked In By Jason -- Just A Pair of Snowbodies -- Poison Pellet Kibble Swap -- Dolly Disassembled -- Fire Escape Fall Out -- Unbuggered -- Tell 'Em Large Marge Sent'cha -- Blue Man Gooped -- Tongue Stung -- Now Wouldn't Cha, Barracuda? -- Leaving on a Rat Plane -- Panthers! -- Fashion Faux-Pwned -- "It's Just A Box." -- Blasted Pigeons -- Taunting Ahnuld -- The Too Hot Tub -- Beyond the Veil -- Sunken Prayers-- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage --Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy --Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad --Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed --Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run-- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance-- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry --Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 --Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye --Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away --Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door-- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue-- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!!-- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded --Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare --Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head
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Article 3

March 3, 2016, 12:55 pm
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

March 3, 2016, 1:22 pm
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Today I'd rather be...

... taking the plunge with Tom Hardy.

These are from a recent Hyundai ad that I am assuming only aired in Japan, but really I know absolutely nothing about it, and don't care to learn - what matters is what you see. Here's the ad anyway:

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This was making the rounds on Tumblr, which was how I found it. You know what else was making the rounds on Tumblr? Some NSFW gifs of Tom in Nicolas Winding Refn's Bronson. And if you hit the jump I'll share those along with a couple more from this ad because why not, it's a boring Thursday afternoon and we need something to look at, so we might as well look at Tom Hardy's penis...







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Brokeback Krypton

March 3, 2016, 1:40 pm
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The Twitter memes are already strong with this new super-gay shot from Batman v Superman, and I don't foresee 'em slowing down any time soon - they really leaned into this one. But bless their hearts for going there - this is the first hint of humor I've felt from a relentlessly dour ad campaign.

Anyway I did just buy myself a ticket to the movie when they went on sale earlier this week, even though I am dreading it - I defended Zack Snyder way longer than most people seemed to (well except for the people at Warner Brothers, apparently) but Man of Steel was an abomination, and adding my nemesis Ben Affleck to the roster for Take Two ain't a sign-post towards redemption from where I'm standing. But we will see!

(And I'm clearly going into it with a SUPER open mind.)
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You Guys, Do Not Let Me Forget...

March 3, 2016, 2:03 pm
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... that they have made a TV show out of the (great) movie Animal Kingdom, and the show stars Scott Speedman (also Ellen Barkin and Shawn Hatosy and lots of shirtless guys).

Here is the trailer. It apparently will air this summer, but they haven't picked a date yet. Yes I have my doubts it can be anywhere near as good as the movie, but they're tempting me anyway...


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