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So What's Your Destiny

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Let it be known that I went into Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny with exceedingly low expectations -- the second that James Mangold was announced as director all my hopes melted away like that one Nazi's face at the end of Raiders. I found Logan vastly overrated and was nearly bored to literal death by Ford v Ferrari, and so I figured this was gonna be a disaster. And yet here we are -- I actually thought Dial of Destiny was pretty fun! Click here to read my review at Pajiba where I get into it. It's got some issues but it's better than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull -- Ford is wonderful (of course he was) and I love love loved Phoebe Waller-Bridge in it. I also loved the go-for-broke ending, and there's a really weird scene where Antonio Banderas shows up with a boat full of shirtless muscle-bound sailor-men that is totally gratuitous aka made for me. And made for any of you reading this, I'd wager! PS in related news if you missed it earlier today I ranked Harrison Ford's hotness at Mashable, which you might also appreciate. 


The Public Life of the Sixth Wife

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Katherine Parr, the sixth and final wife of the British monarch Henry VIII, has never gotten much attention from the movies -- there's 1933's The Private Life of Henry VIII and 1953's Young Bess, the 20-year-separate pair that both star Charles Laughton as the larger-than-life despot, offing his brides one by one. And Parr does get some proper attention in the latter where she is played by Deborah Kerr and is shown being instructive to Princess Elizabeth (Jean Simmons), soon to be the formidable Queen for several decades. 

Enter Firebrand, the lush and lavish and darkly devastating new period piece from Brazilian director Karim Aïnouz, who in 2019 gave us one of the great films of the new millennium with Invisible Life (one of my favorite films of that year). (Also as a sidenote: Aïnouz's 2011 film The Silver Cliff, which has never gotten any kind of release here in the U.S. save one screening here in NYC that I was fortunate enough to be at, is also a masterpiece and god I want to see it again.) Starring Alicia Vikander at her most quietly determined as Parr and an almost unrecognizably disgusting Jude Law as her husband the King, Firebrand finally gives Parr her due, while also giving Vikander a fine role suited to her quiet strengths.

Narrated by the Princess and Queen-to-be Elizabeth (a watchful Junia Rees), Firebrand is also framed, like Young Bess was, as the story of how that iconic future monarch -- one who's never fallen into the short-on-biopics camp -- would learn from Parr how to manage being both a woman and a leader at once. Mostly set across a small stretch of time where Henry runs off to do some warmongering and Parr momentarily takes over the throne, becoming the Regent in his absence, there are lessons here that fall into the pro and the anti camp for Elizabeth, behaviorally speaking, and she's always lurking in the background soaking them up.

But this is very much Katherine's story. Frustrating, tragic, but also illuminating -- the author of several prayer books (including the first book ever published by a Queen under her own name), Parr was a woman centuries before her time, and she paid for it. Vikander, so slight and yet somehow never once lost under these enormous and elaborate (and really very gorgeous) costumes, brings a silent ferocity to the woman -- she's smarter than almost anyone around her, and yet her intelligence keeps tripping her up in a world that sees no value in an intelligent woman. 

Katherine's contradictions are her downfall -- prone to visiting with heretics and openly flirting with her ex Sir Thomas Seymour (Sam Riley, looking good enough in his ginger ZZ Top beard that he makes open flirting understandable), she knows she's playing with fire in Henry's eyes. The man has already gone through five wives at this point! And yet she also sees that Henry is drawn to her fire too, and she finds it irresistible -- she wants to use her power to possibly enact real change, standing as they do on the cusp of the Reformation. She is a true believer, and she sees that possibility. She just tries to jump ahead a little too fast.

Katherine's under-told story aside, Jude Law nevertheless very nearly steals the film from Vikander, even though hubby Henry doesn't plod into the film until its midway point. Bringing to mind Olivia Colman's petulant Queen Anne in The Favourite, with her weeping sores and wounded ego, both monarchs are illustriously disgusting figures -- Anne remained mostly relatable though, at least in comparison to Law's Henry, who's nothing but pus and sexual appetite and a bottomless jealousy where his heart should go. Law's Henry bellows at god in fury for every perceived slight, and then some part of him immediately starts leaking. This is a Henry on his last leg, as it were, but he'll bring down the entire house with him if he must. And obviously he must. Anyway Law savors and devours every grunt -- getting to be ugly and awful never looked so rancidly delicious -- we can practically taste the poisonous spittle coming off the screen. It's a lot! But I believed every second.

There are bits of history that get shuffled about in Firebrand's last act that I won't wander into for spoiler's sake, but they don't really matter too much -- we're not talking about an Inglourious Basterds type of historical rewrite here. What does matter is that Aïnouz and his screenwriters, the sisters Henrietta and Jessica Ashworth, fashion a quietly compelling tale of agency dashed upon the rocks. Broken and battered until somebody, just ahead, manages to pick up the pieces and put them together in a new way, a way that might just work this time out. It's about small steps, two back for every forward, and what we learn in those seeming death spirals. We just keep pressing on -- every thing done is a thing that matters, and some day our stories will get told.


Nobody Puts Madsy in the Corner

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Well it's that time! What time? Time for me to head off to places unknown (read: my couch) for five straight days. It's a holiday weekend here in the U.S. and I'm off until next Wednesday. I put in the work this past week though -- I reviewed the new Indiana Jones (here), I reviewed the new Jennifer Lawrence (here), I reviewed the new Rock Hudson bio-pic (here), I reviewed the new Wes Anderson (here), and I reviewed a forthcoming Jude Law (here). Oh and I answered the question of which role of Harrison Ford's was the hottest right here. PLUS I have a big piece that has not been not published yet which I will update the site with a link to over the break. That's a lotta goddamned writing y'all and I ready for that goddamned couch.

But like I did just say -- I will be updating the site a little bit over the break; not just that coming piece (heh I said "coming piece") but there's our annual July 4th ridiculousness as well, which will land on (you guessed it) July 4th. So come back and visit over the break for these and perhaps other surprises! Or per usual keep your eyes on my social media accounts -- it's not like I'll be off of those for longer than five seconds. Have a happy 4th, y'all! And even more importantly -- Happy 11 to Magic Mike!


Synecdoche By Wes

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See? I told you I would pop back in here over the holiday! I didn't lie, for once. Feel free to throw confetti in my face the next time you see me. Anyway I am here, over a holiday, to direct you toward a piece I'm proud of -- for Mashable I wrote about Wes Anderson's telescopically structured Asteroid City, and how that structure helps triple underline its big beating beautiful heart, click here to read it. I really dig this movie in case that's not clear by now -- this is the second piece I wrote about it, including my Pajiba review which you can read here. I hope you've all gone to see it for yourselves by now -- the big screen really is the best way to experience Wes' methodical aesthetic minutiae -- but if you're waiting for home for whatever reason the blu-ray is on sale already, right here. But it's not out until New Years Eve so, you know, prepare to wait.

Happy InDePlaidPants Day 2023!

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This is one of our sillier traditions here at MNPP -- as if anything is done here with a straight face -- but for the past four years now, thanks to an off-hand comment from a reader, I have posted a gallery of actors wearing plaid pants a la this site's name and re-dubbed July 4th "InDePlaidPants Day." Because patriotism is stupid, but hot guys looking sharp is anything but. It's a smaller gallery than usual this year (and weirdly very black-and-white), but no less quality! Hit the jump and enjoy your sartorial independence...






















Good Morning, World

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This is a very short week here at MNPP -- although as you can see below I did post two things over the long July 4th holiday, so it's not as bad as it might've been otherwise -- as I'll only be posting today and tomorrow and tomorrow only half-ly, as I have a mid-day screening. So let's make up for it with some Winston Duke this Wednesday morning, because Winston takes up some space. He fills a room. He's big, is what I am saying! In all the right ways. (He is six-foot-five y'all!) We heart Winston. (via)


Five Frames From ?

Quote of the Day

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"I’ll do anything with Mike White.
I’ll hold a camera for Mike White.
I just need to work with him again."

That's The White Lotus actor (and newly gay-married -- congrats!) Lukas Gage talking to Vanity Fair today at the tail-end of an interview that's mostly about his brand ambassador gig for some Armani perfume thing. I hate perfume but what's he saying above is important, and a sentiment I would like to echo. I too will do anything with Mike White. I can't say I want to work with him "again" since I haven't worked with him the first time, but if Mike White wants to film Murray Bartlett eating my butt I am just saying that I am down for that. Just so's you know, Mike!



Today's Fanboy Delusion

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Today I'd rather be...

... Glen Powell's pup play. (via)

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

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... you can learn from:


Johnnie: And now I'm going get so busy
doing nothing, yes sir! I'm going do nothing
like she's never been done before!

The original Sir, one Larry Olivier, was born 116 years ago today. I say this as a person woefully under-schooled on Olivier's filmography -- I've never seen any of his Shakespeare films! -- but do you think he maintains the reputation for Greatest Actor that he still did a couple of decades ago? We've moved on to that being Marlon Brando... or even possibly Daniel Day-Lewis at this point, right?



As my confession above (that I have never seen any of his Shakespeare movies) reveals, I've never been a huge fan of Olivier's, in the movies I have seen anyway -- for example I've seen Hitchcock's Rebecca a billion times and I have never, not once, walked out of it thinking about him. That said -- ever since first seeing how hot he was in 49th Parallel I have been open to the suggestion that I should explore more of his body of work.

Pics of the Day

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On the one hand I hate posting shitty quality photos like this with font all over them -- my OCD skyrockets! On the other hand these are photos that I have never yet seen of Jake Gyllenhaal in nothing but his skintight MMA drawers shooting the Road House re-do (see all the ones we had seen and posted previously right here in our archives), and that's enough goodness to cancel out the badness. And then some. (via; click to embiggen) No word on when this thing's being released yet -- can we guesstimate a fall drop? I think we can. This feels like it could be a TIFF movie right?


Avan Jogia Three Times

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These photos were supposedly for Paper magazine back in May -- the interview is here but there are only a couple of the photos that I can find posted there? (There is one, not shared here, that contains the hint of a mesh t-shirt that I would like to see more of though.) The rest must've been shared in other locations. Anyway Avan is such walking sex! My god.

Good Morning, World

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I hadn't planned on sharing the trailer for the fourth and final season of Netflix's show Sex Education because 1) I stopped watching the show after the first season (not because I didn't enjoy it... for one I really enjoyed this specific aspect seen here... I just sort of forgot to keep going?), and 2) yes we see a cute butt shot of Asa Butterfield in said trailer...

... but I'm not convinced that shot isn't faked. It looks faked right? Specifically in that old-timey way where there's not actually a mirror there and the real Asa is standing facing us through a window while a butt-double is beside the camera, butt forward. Then again...

(He was tweeting about this shot in the first season.) Who knows? Who cares? Whether it's really Asa's bum or not I wasn't going to post it, but then I stumbled upon that shirtless selfie up tippy-top and I thought it was a really adorable photo of him and so here we are. Also I had nothing else to post. Ta-dah!

Five Frames From ?

Pace Yourself

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I briefly mentioned this yesterday -- that I have got a screening this afternoon, so today's posting will be interrupted for a bit, making an already short week shorter. So again here is a ginormous six-foot-five man to fill up the space. Just sit here with Lee Pace until I get back. I'm sure you can find some way to entertain yourselves. 


Giving New Meaning To International Relations

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I am truly happy that a piece of gay fluff like Red White and Royal Blue exists in the world -- especially in a world that's eradicating our rights right and left. So I don't want to be too down-my-nose snob sneery towards this trailer that they have just released for the sweet, boisterous, pratfall-laden rom-com (based on a bestselling book by Casey McQuiston) about the hot Prince of England (Nicholas Galitzine) and the hot son of the U.S. president (Taylor Zakhar Perez) fucking each other's brains out.

I'm not sure this will be my cuppa, but the boys are cute and Galitzine was just incredibly funny as a clueless jock in the raucous queer high-school comedy Bottoms (reviewed here and also out later this summer) so perhaps it will prove a sweet diversion from a shitty world for a couple of hours. These days that is a lot!


Red White and Royal Blue hits
Amazon Prime on August 11th.

Good Morning, Manu

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Spending too much time while staring at this picture of Spanish actor Manu Rios trying to figure out what the emoji means. Is it an otter? is he calling himself an otter because he allowed those three wispy chest hairs to grow in? Or is he asking for an otter to lay down beside him? Did he just pick a random cute animal laying down emoji? One thing is for certain: I definitely should not be trying to decipher the hieroglyphs of Zoomers. Let's just enjoy the pretty and move it along... Happy Monday!

Five Frames From ?

Who Wore It Best?

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Apparently this outfit has something to do with Beyoncé's clothing brand, but seeing as how I could give a flying fuck about Beyoncé or her clothing brand (gay gasp) I am instead choosing to focus on the "Greta Gerwig's Barbie" connection -- perennial hot-piece Mark Ronson did a song for the soundtrack and Simu Liu is playing one of the many Kens in the movie, which premiered in los Angeles yesterday to generally, from what I saw, positive notices. And they both made appearances in this outfit, so I must (as predicted in my Twitter thread on the subject) now ask...





Quote of the Day

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"I was pretty naked. You know, I don't mind being [naked]. It's a crowded set of people, so I'm not gonna be obnoxious about it. But also, I'm not gonna go through a whole thing of slipping on shorts between every take." With a a more bashful laugh, he adds, "I was definitely wearing something, but it's not a big deal. It's just a body. That's my feeling about it....

I love what I do because I know it gives people enjoyment. To be able to entertain people is a real privilege, and I take it seriously because I think it's a good thing to do in the world. So I hope the fight's entertaining. It was intended to be. I'm trying not to take myself too seriously here. I hope people are entertained by it, you know? They can call me daddy all they want."

Then let me get the ball rolling: DADDY. Daddy, daddy, daddy! That's Lee Pace talking to EW today about the extensive naked fight scene he has in the opening scene of the second season premiere of his Apple+ series Foundation (which drops on Friday) -- aka their "hey look this way, please!" press-grabber amid all of the streaming clutter. And hey look it worked! But only a person who looks like Lee Pace naked could be so nonchalant. "Just a body" my ass, Lee! That's six feet and five inches of fucking marble. Anyway here is the clip:



I will admit that I still haven't watched the first season of Foundation though -- I think I did watch one or two episodes but then, like everything these days, my mind wandered. Should I go back and jump in? or should I just watch the above clip on a loop for ten hours instead? So many possibilities. Of course I did just go through that clip frame by frame by bare-assed frame in order to make fifty-plus gifs for you all today, so I have done my due diligence already. Hit the jump for those...






















































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